Conflict Style Quick Scan
How you argue, repair, and reconnect.
Tip: finish the test, then share your result link with your partner/friend to compare perspectives.
Conflict style quiz: why you keep having the same fight
Most couples don’t fight about the topic—they fight about the process. This conflict style quiz helps you see what you do under pressure: chase, defend, shut down, or problem-solve. Once you name the pattern, you can change it.
Healthy conflict basics (the rules that actually work)
- One topic at a time (no “and another thing…”).
- No insults, no threats, no scorekeeping.
- Take breaks with a return time: “I’m flooded—back at 8:30.”
- Repair matters more than being right.
What to do after you get your result
- Pick one sentence you can repeat in conflict: “I’m on your side—let’s solve this.”
- Lower intensity before content: slower voice, fewer words, more listening.
- End with a plan: what changes this week, specifically?
Conflict FAQ
Is arguing normal?
Yes. The goal is respectful conflict and reliable repair.
What is stonewalling?
Withdrawing or shutting down; often a stress response (overwhelm), not lack of care.
How do we stop repeating the same fight?
Identify the pattern (chase/withdraw), set rules, and agree on one change each.
When is conflict a red flag?
When there’s intimidation, threats, coercion, or repeated disrespect. Safety comes first.
Why conflict style matters in relationships
Most couples don’t break up because they disagree — they break up because they don’t know how to fight fair. Conflict style is the pattern you default to when emotions rise: pursuing, avoiding, criticizing, shutting down, or problem-solving.
4 common conflict styles
Pursuer
Wants immediate resolution. May escalate, ask repeated questions, or chase reassurance.
Avoider
Needs space. May go silent, delay, or leave to reduce emotional overload.
Critic / Blamer
Focuses on what’s wrong. Uses accusations, sarcasm, or “always/never” statements.
Problem-solver
Stays calm, names needs, offers options, and repairs quickly after conflict.
How to fight fair (practical rules)
- One topic at a time: don’t stack old problems.
- No character attacks: critique behavior, not identity.
- Take structured breaks: “I need 20 minutes, I’ll be back at 8:30.”
- Repair quickly: apology + clarity + small action.
FAQ — Conflict style test
Is avoiding conflict always bad?
No. Avoiding can be healthy if it’s a short pause with a clear return time. Disappearing is the problem.
Why do I shut down during arguments?
Often it’s nervous-system overwhelm. Your body goes into freeze mode and words stop coming.
How do we stop repeating the same fight?
Identify the “core need” underneath the fight (safety, respect, trust). Then change the ritual, not just the words.
Build your relationship profile
Combine this with attachment style for much better accuracy.